Chasing “It”

So, it’s mid/late April. This means that we’ve had three full months and most of another to attack our dreams for the new year. If you are anything like me then you will have celebrated some wins and losses. You may feel your feet dragging. I’m here to cheer you on. There is so much 2019 left; and you can do it.

What is it for you? When this year was brand new I had several goals. In some areas I am all the way up. In some areas I am sitting and staring at a blank wall. And guess what? It’s ok.

If you’ve read me before you know that my word for 2019 is health. In fact I posted about it at the beginning of January, and again at the end of January. Tonight I’m going to write about it again- know why? Because I am still struggling, BUT I haven’t given up.

During this year, I specifically wanted to:

  1. Reclaim my kitchen with joy.
  2. Get my body moving 4-5 times a week.
  3. Commit myself to this blog; posting faithfully every Tuesday.

Until the last fortnight of life, I would have scored myself at a 33.33% I have committed myself to weekly posts. I have submitted myself to other publications. I am working on developing the social media accounts for this blog. I am growing slowly, but plugging away. I have been tempted to throw in the towel. I of course beat myself up mentally when I didn’t immediately get picked up for publication. But thanks to the encouragement of my squad; I’m still going.

But I have been in a slump with this blog the last few weeks. I recently experienced what I am now referring to as the great virus of 2019. I have never in my life been sick for so long. My voice was gone, my throat was covered in canker sores, my body was sore, and I was down and out in so many ways. This health setback also allowed for major mental fatigue. I wasn’t able to wake early for my morning routine. I began to doubt myself and my ability to grow this blog. I began to question if growing this blog is really what I want. Since last August I have posted faithfully once a week, but I have missed the last two posts and it hasn’t even bothered me too much.

I have been spending a lot of time this last week deep in thought. Are the same goals I made in January still relevant for me in April? Do I still want and need the same things? What exactly is it in my life?

black ball point pen with brown spiral notebook
Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

I am passionate about writing, and about sharing my writing in the world, but I am transitioning away from focusing on this blog as my main expression, and getting back into the novel I began several years ago. I wrote the first 100 pages, got stuck, and never went back. But I think those 100 pages are good, and I am working on adding to them. I sat myself down and plotted out parts 2 and 3. I began revising the first 100 pages so that I could get back into the story, and I am committing to writing time 5 days a week. This it feels more me. I feel a lot of pressure to have a thriving social media presence associated with successful blogging. My heart doesn’t race with excitement when it comes to social media. I don’t want to spend the time necessary to growing my following there, so I’m rethinking what it means for me to be a writer today. I am still 100% focused on writing; I’m just allowing myself the flexibility to change the specifics of that goal in my life.

So as far as that focus in my life I am up, HOWEVER, I still suck at cooking. Not to say that I can’t cook, just to say that I don’t do it as much as I’d like to. I am lacking the joy in meal prep that I was really wanting to cultivate. Week after week I intend to plan out the dinner menu, but then Monday at 5:00 creeps up on me and we’re eating tostadas again. (And you guys, my husband really helps in this department. I don’t even want to think about what would be going on over here if I were in charge all 7 nights of the week. String cheese and a piece of toast anyone?)

I’m working out 2-3 times a week, but it’s not the 4-5 that my mind and body are craving. I’ve beat myself up over this as well. This week I discovered a new slew of veins around my knees that really upset me. I had a good cry. I felt like throwing in the towel. I’ll never be as fit as a 22 year old fitness model, so why even try? No one has ever accused me of being super rational. I’m a pretty dramatic person, especially in my mind. But a few days have passed, I’ve hit the gym once, and had three home workouts. I found a 6 minute barre video on Youtube that sets my legs on fire. How could I possibly make an excuse not to do a 6 minute video??? I know that those veins won’t bother me as much if I feel toned. I know that when summer arrives and I cover them with a tan that I won’t be so worried. And guess what? I’m a 40 year old woman with three children! It’s ok to have some veins. I don’t have any calendar shoots coming up. (I’m telling myself what I need to hear.)

So I’m going to keep plugging away. I encourage you to do the same. I am finding that flexibility is key. Here are some things that help me to stay motivated:

  1. A positive crew. My husband, mom, sister and best friends are so good at lifting me up. This week on Monday my friend texted me her goal for the week and asked me mine. I was so pumped by that simple exchange. The accountability and encouragement have kept me going.
  2. Take in positive content: I listen to 4-5 rotating podcasts that are all highly motivational. I read a ton, both fiction and non-fiction. I always have a motivational book in my morning rotation. Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad. Follow accounts that truly inspire you.
  3. My morning time sets a positive tone for the day. The time I spend really affirms me  and encourages me. Read about it on my March 5th post, titled My Morning Routine.
  4. Evaluate and re-word your goals. Life must allow for our flexibility. Instead of “reclaim my kitchen with joy” I am changing my goal to “plan out the week’s meals each Sunday.” Instead of workout 4-5 times each week, my new goal is “to get my body moving 4 times every week.” This can mean I am at the gym, or doing a video off of youTube. When I left my goal as 4-5 and didn’t get in that 5th (which was every week) I felt bad about what I didn’t do, instead of good about what I did do.
  5. Reward yourself! I never earned those side-striped leather Spanx I was drooling after, but now that it’s Spring I changing that carrot to a new pair of white Stan Smith Adidas – which will go perfectly with those Spanx next Fall 😉

 

So whatever it is in your life; know that you can do it. Just be flexible with yourself and realistic. We got this!

Authentically,

Amber

One thought on “Chasing “It”

  1. Cheri

    Great adjustment. Life is a series of adjustments, be willing to do them and your stress level will go down and you’ll fee more successful.

    Follow your heart always. It will take you where you need to be.

    Love, Cheri

    Like

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